I’m not into all that “I want to get married” sort of stuff. I’ve never had my wedding dress picked out. I’ve never decided what my first dance song would be. I don’t have a dream wedding venue. However, I have seen many a wedding cake that I wouldn’t mind purchasing – but you don’t need a wedding to eat wedding cake. Cake is cake.
Someone I know has been married several times. Yes, I know, it says a lot a character when they have visited a divorce court more than once. It says a lot more about someone when they are a regular to the local registry office. Anyway, it struck me that they have been married a few times (and also divorced a few times) and I’ve never even been offered the promise of a wedding ring.
I asked my friend why this might be and they replied, ever so matter-of-factly, with “you’re not a charmer”. As I sit here, a few hours on, I’m still rather confused by this reply.
Is it a compliment that I don’t lure men in under false pretenses?
Or is it an insult that I’m not a very nice person?
Then the conversation went on: divorce statistics. My friend reckons it’s 1 in 4 marriages end in a divorce court, but for the sake of this blog post, I’m using the Telegraph’s news report that 42% (say 4 in 10) marriages have a divorce. But, it’s not a true statistic, is it?
If we were to define a marriage breakdown by how many people get a divorce, then 4 couples out of 10 have a failed marriage. However, what about those married couples who are no longer living together as husband and wife (or husband/husband, wife/wife) but have not yet gotten a divorce? Or are staying in a really unhappy marriage because they “have to”? In my own life, I know at least four couples living like this because they cannot afford a divorce, or they “can’t be bothered” (true quote, that) to divorce, or they cannot leave. So that bumps my Telegraph statistic up to 8 out of 10 marriages are pretty rubbish – if we’re assuming that a successful marriage is supposed to be a happy one?
So, really, the statistics reinforce my own pre-existing notion that I don’t want to get married. However, it doesn’t answer the question why I’ve never been offered a ring when I am a good person (in my ever so humble opinion) when someone else has had multiple divorces. Perhaps it is my public expression of divorce rates and my “I don’t want to get married” attitude that puts men off even trying to offer me a pretty ring. Or, maybe it’s because I try to dance like Beyonce…