5 tactics to living alone

These are some strategies that I have fine tuned over the last year. It might just demonstrate how lazy I am…

Cooking for one is a bit boring. In the ideal world, I would have a servant who comes and cooks my dinner for me. But I haven’t got one, so I have to compromise and pretend that my microwave is my servant. If I cook a meal (for example, a curry/casserole), I do it in the crockpot, ladle it up and freeze it (home made ready meal). If I make a pie, I cut it up, and freeze it. If I cook a chicken, I freeze it to reuse it. I freeze a lot of things because it’s cheaper to buy in bulk than it is to buy small amounts. It’s much more cost effective (and kinder to your health) than eating from the Chinese take away each night.

Cleaning is a chore. I keep my cleaning to a minimum. I don’t spend an entire day, once a week, cleaning. I spend 10-15 minutes, once a day, on one room. I have a rota. For example, Wednesday’s are the day I ‘blitz’ the kitchen – I wipe the microwave, brush the floor, put things away and make sure nothing stinks in the fridge. I’m not a dirty person, but I can be messy; if I knew that I had to clean the entire house in one day, I wouldn’t. Then I would have a rat problem or something.

Loneliness can be tear inducing. I get lonely, sometimes, living alone. That’s when I put on the trashy DVDs, I do a chore, I do something I enjoy, I pick up my phone, or I log into Skype. It’s important to have a ‘backup’ for those lonely pangs. If I didn’t have these backups, I would probably go home to Nanna and Grandad or take up alcoholism as a new career path. I also talk to Henry Hoover, if I feel exceptionally lonely.

Being a slob is so much easier to hide when you live alone. There’s no one to ‘out’ you. If you want to only clean your bathroom on a Tuesday, and don’t mind bathing in your own leg hair stubble, no one is going to know. If you don’t want to do your laundry, you won’t have anyone shaming you for being a slob, or complaining that you’re not doing their laundry. You just have to make sure that no one finds out. If your laundry or rubbish is spilling into the street, you could run the risk of being exposed. If you have visitors, it might be wise to close a few doors to deter access. If you have guests, you might want to buy some new mugs so you don’t serve them tea from saucepans. Or, try and make yourself look as though they’ve interrupted you mid-chore buy strategically putting the washing inside the machine and leaving a hoover in the middle of the room.

Lists sometimes save my bacon. Now I live alone, I don’t have Nanna and Grandad making lists and doing the lists for me. I have to write my own lists and complete my own lists. If I run out of loo roll, it’s only me to notice, and it’s only me to fix this problem. If I see a job that needs doing, no one else will notice and no one else will do the job. Therefore, if I don’t write my own list, I don’t remember what I have to do or buy. It’s a bit embarrassing when you only have kitchen roll to offer your friend when they ask to use your loo. If only I wrote loo roll on my list…

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